Wedding abaya in Pakistan: what to wear to a nikkah, mehndi, dawat or walima

What should you wear to a nikkah as a guest?

Wear something restrained at a nikkah: a deep, quiet shade, hand embroidery kept to the border or the cuffs rather than spread across the panel, and a matching hijab in the same tone. A nikkah is the most formal and usually the most contained of the four functions, often earlier in the day and often in a smaller room, and the dress code follows that.

Deep maroon and mocha both work here, and ivory works beautifully if the function is a daytime one and the bride is not in a pale shade herself. Noir is never wrong at a nikkah. The instinct to reach for the most heavily worked piece you own is usually the wrong one; a plain abaya in good fabric with a clean fall reads better in that room than a busy one.

The practical points matter more than usual at a nikkah. You will likely be sitting on the floor or on low seating for a while, so a piece that creases hard is a poor choice, and a crepe with a fluid fall settles more gracefully when you get up than a stiff fabric does.

Shop occasion shades

What works at a mehndi?

A mehndi is the one function where colour is genuinely welcome, so olive, rose and maroon all belong. It is usually outdoors or in a large hall, it runs late, there is dancing and there is food, and the correct instinct is a shade with life in it and a fabric that moves rather than a formal column.

Rose is the daytime mehndi answer and olive is the evening one. Olive in particular photographs like velvet under warm lighting, which is exactly the lighting a mehndi tends to have, and it sits well next to the yellows and greens that dominate the room without competing with them.

Fabric matters more here than at any other function. Flowy crepe with a flared cut moves when you move, and at a function where you will be on your feet for hours that is both more comfortable and better looking. Keep heavy beadwork off a mehndi piece if you expect to be dancing: dense work is heavier than it looks after four hours.

What do you wear to a dawat?

A dawat sits between everyday and formal, so a good abaya in a warm neutral with light embroidery is exactly right. These are the dinners and lunches that run through the whole season, often at someone's home, often with a mixed group, and the aim is put-together rather than dressed-up.

Rose and mocha carry a daytime dawat particularly well, and both work with gold jewellery, which is the usual pairing. In the evening, maroon or noir with a border in metallic thread does the job without you having to think about it.

The useful trick for dawat season is to own one piece that works at four of them. A neutral shade with restrained handwork is the piece that will not be recognised from photographs of the last one, which is a real consideration in a season where the same twenty people are in the same rooms every fortnight.

What do you wear to a walima?

A walima is the most formal of the four, so this is where the piece with real handwork earns its place. It is usually an evening reception in a hall with proper lighting, the photographs are formal, and a full tilla border or a worked panel reads correctly here in a way it would not at a dawat.

Noir and deep maroon are the two safe answers, and both take metallic thread better than any pale shade does because the contrast is what makes couched gold visible across a room. Ivory is the confident choice, and the one to think about twice if you know the bridal palette is pale.

Fabric here can go either way, and it depends on the piece rather than the event. If the abaya carries substantial embroidery, Nida holds it flat and stable across an evening. If it is plain or lightly worked, crepe gives you the fall and the movement that a formal room rewards.

Nida holds handwork, crepe moves

When is tilla right, and when is it too much?

Tilla is right when the room is lit and formal and you are not in the wedding party, and it is too much when it competes with the bride or when the function is a daytime one. Hand tilla is metallic thread couched onto the surface of the fabric, so it catches and returns light rather than reflecting it flatly, which means the amount of light in the room does most of the work.

Under warm evening lighting a tilla border along a cuff and a hem reads as depth. Under flat daylight the same border reads as much louder than it is, because there is no shadow for it to sit against. That single fact explains most of the times a piece feels wrong on the day.

The other rule is proportion. A border, a cuff and a neckline is a considered amount. A worked panel across the whole front is a statement piece, and at a wedding a statement piece belongs to the family rather than the guests. When in doubt at any function, go one degree quieter than you think you should.

• ✦Evening walima or a formal nikkah reception: a full border reads correctly
• ✦Daytime nikkah or dawat: keep handwork to cuffs and neckline
• ✦Mehndi with dancing: light work only, dense beadwork gets heavy after hours
• ✦If the bride is in gold work, choose a piece where the shade carries it instead

How tilla is worked by hand

Which shade and fabric for which function?

Use the table below as a starting point rather than a rule. Shade is the first decision because it is the one visible from across a room, fabric is the second because it decides how the piece behaves over four hours, and embroidery is the third because it is the easiest to overdo.

How long before the wedding should you order?

Order at least a working week before the function in most cities, and closer to two if you want room to exchange a size. Zee & Zaa cuts, checks and packs in Multan within 1 to 2 working days, then the courier lane sets the rest. The right-hand column below is the honest one: it is the date by which an exchange can still reach you in time.

The exchange column is calculated the long way round. It assumes the first parcel reaches you, the size is wrong, it goes back to Multan, and a replacement comes out to you again, all in working days. Nobody wants to use that column and it is the one worth planning against, because a wedding date does not move.

Two practical notes on top of the table. Shaadi season from late October onwards is also peak courier season, so the upper end of each window is the realistic one rather than the lower. And if the function is out of town, order to the address where you will actually be on the delivery date, not to the one you are travelling from.

Full delivery times and Cash on DeliveryHow the size exchange worksSize guide by height

What size should you order for a wedding piece?

Order by your height, and take the next size up if you will be wearing heels. A Zee & Zaa abaya is cut loose through the chest and hip, so height is the only measurement that decides your size, and a hem that clears the floor by an inch in flats will drag in heels you only wear at weddings.

This is the one occasion where the length question actually bites. At a wedding you will be on stairs, on a stage for photographs, and possibly on a carpet with other people standing on it, and an abaya an inch too long is a genuine nuisance for the whole evening.

If you are between two sizes for an occasion piece, take the larger one and have a tailor shorten the hem. That is a ten-minute job on a plain hem and it gives you a piece cut to your exact height, which is more than most ready-to-wear ever offers.

Size by height, with measurements

Common questions about wedding abayas

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